eye candy.

LUFF.

FEETS.

I'm not one small atomic bomb.

I'm not anything at all

I'm not the feather at your feet
I'm not your yellow brick street
I'm not anyone you'll see
I'm not anything

Now, now

Feats:

I wore socks to bed and stayed warm.

I opened up to an uncomfortable grandmother.

I introduced two worlds together, and they both loved it.

I broke up a fight today.

I cleaned a scraped knee today.

I talked nicely with my stepdads girlfriend.

I painted spiders with red eyes and fangs on four little boys' cheeks.

I gave candy to a stranger. ha

happy halloween. (The new Tom's.) ♥

mwa

I wore lipstick today. yeeeeeahh. yum

So please

please

please

let me, let me, let me

get what I want this time.

lead me, guide me

People often say "they are lost". What does that really mean? I mean, I feel kinda lost right now, and I have no idea what that means literally. I want to say things that I mean, and although I mean that I feel lost, I don't know what that means.

hold up.

okay small steps. means. means:

1. to have in mind as one's purpose or intention; intend: I meant to compliment you on your work.

2. to intend for a particular purpose, destination, etc. : They were meant for each other.

3. to intend to express or indicate

4. to have as its sense or signification; signify: The word "freedom" means many things to many people

5. to bring, cause or produce as a result: This bonus means that we can take a trip to Florida.

6. to have (certain intentions) toward a person: He didn't mean you any harm.

7. to have the value of; assume the importance of: Money means everything to them. She means the world to him.

alright. that was a mouthful.

I don't want to dissect that for now, but my understanding of means was reinforced at least.

SO. Lost. what is the meaning of lost?

ah. what is the intended idea of "lost". of being lost.

The intentions of lost are:

1. no longer possessed or retained.

2. no longer to be found

3. having gone astray or missed the way; bewildered as to place, direction, etc.

4. not used to good purpose, as opportunities, time or labor; wasted: a lost advantage.

5. preoccupied, rapt

6. distracted; distraught; desperate; hopeless: the lost look of a man trapped and afraid.

I'm a little distracted, desperate, hopeless,

I think in reality though, I feel like me. my person. even the idea of me is lost. I've found myself caught between the labels. Which family do I belong to? Where is my name? i cannot find it in these groups. I am my own person. I tagged along with both parties in the big move. I am my own person trying to fit myself into a label.

I can be everyone's family. Divorce hasn't torn me. When I am lost, I can find myself. lead me, guide me.

love me, try me. everything is calm. everything has it's own place.

oh dear. so, i'm grounded right now. It's a blessing. I'm finding myself. I have so much more time on my hands and a lot of my worries have been plucked out of my hands. I listen to more music, sleep more than 6 hours a night, clean more, create more, love more. I care for my brothers more. I make more of a difference.

I smile more. :)

ah.

syn·es·the·sia

also syn·aes·the·sia (sĭn'ĭs-thē'zhə) n.

A condition in which one type of stimulation evokes the sensation of another, as when the hearing of a sound produces the visualization of a color.

A sensation felt in one part of the body as a result of stimulus applied to another, as in referred pain.

The description of one kind of sense impression by using words that normally describe another.

An experience that Annemarie is very familiar with.

one breath.

There is a girl, that is without a doubt one of my favorite people. Ever. Sorry Albert. I don't know you yet anyway. Today, this wonderful person asked me what thoughts are in my head at the moment. It got me thinking that I really should write down my thoughts, because so many come in and fade out of memory pretty quickly. ..Too bad I like destroying journals. Hopefully, this will be a bit more permanent.

I would say, that today I'm thinking about how I procrastinate often, and that I like it like that. So I'm not sure if that's called procrastination..I'm just doing what needs to be done eventually, when I want.

I'm thinking about how my favorite teacher, Mr. Williams (the second) ..(i've had another Mr. Williams that I did not have the same opinion of) told me that my whole life I'll be jumping through hoops. Ha. It's simple, I'll be following other people my whole life. It's unavoidable. So, I might as well make the best of it and quit getting frustrated with a lot of the systems that I have to follow. (Taxes, School, Tests, Work)

Even though I don't know why I just said that, because I've never done taxes before.

Sigh. I'm thinking, like I have a lot of other days before this one, that I want to go into certain professions just to get the benefits from them, then change occupations. Hey, I'd learn a lot, and the rest I don't really care about. For example, I could just work for the laser hair removal place in the mall when I'm older to get 50% off their services. I'd walk away with some smooth skin and a ton of experience.

I think most of all, I would just love to be eclectic. When I'm 80, that would be awesome to smile when I think about all the places I've been and seen and worked.




Sometimes I miss my aunts so terribly. It's the most random thing I think about. (ha, if that's possible to measure) I miss my Aunts Angie, Michelle, Lori, Kim, Lisa, Jill, Julie, Robin.. (not all inclusive) Being around each one of them makes me feel the best. All of them. They're all so motherly, and I love that. They all have a warmth to them, they are real. I've seen a lot of sides to my aunts, and it's almost indescribable how good that makes me feel.

Heck, I don't even see them that often. But weird, today, I've really missed Michelle. She lives in New York I believe. And I want to visit. That is my wish. I want to visit my Aunt Michelle.

I'm afraid that if i say too much, I'll ..

nevermind.

The clouds were simply ethereal today. I was in awe. Great big puffs of them, with gorgeous shadows and the mountains to the south were deep purple forms outlined against a grey blue atmosphere. The lake, was this great sweeping motion, almost a blur that connected every expression. I really don't know why, but I feel whole when I look at the sky. Today, It was as if the sky was one great emotion. The landscape reflected the same feeling. I'm so grateful that I can see color, after all, color is really only a human experience.